This one’s for you, my future husband.
It’s 1:05 a.m. in the clock on a peaceful morning of July 26. The day has just started to unfold and I am sitting here in my new favorite spot in the house – at the attic’s library. I am serenaded by the piano instrumental to the tune of “I Choose You” by Sara Bareilles, which, by the way, is on-repeat for a couple of hours now. This song has been my favorite since February of this year. I have been considering to add this to the line up of songs to be played on our wedding day. I hope you also like songs in this genre.
Last night, I was reading a book entitled “Authentic Beauty” by Leslie Ludy. In one of it’s chapters (Lily Whiteness and Romance), the author said
” A great way to solidify your decision to become fully set apart for your future spouse is to write him a letter. It does not have to be a long letter – just a few carefully chosen words that express your commitment to live a lifestyle of lily whiteness for him and your reasons for wanting to honor him completely with the way you live.” p. 92
I guess that explains the reason why I’m writing this blog.
Well, I don’t know where to start. I haven’t written you a letter since the day I have given up my hopes of meeting you one day. The past years have been a struggle for me, in terms of my keeping loyalty to you. It’s quite hard to set myself apart for someone I haven’t even known or seen physically. Though in my dreams and in my daydreams, I often talk to you.
I know you existed, but it was only last 2013 when I realized how much you’re worth. I guess I have been blinded to this truth because my life back then was lacking a very special element – The Foundation of Truth. I was on the other end of the rainbow back then. I haven’t started my journey of preparing myself for that day, that very special day when our paths would cross – our grand meet-up which we have been waiting for years.
I am thankful for the other-end-of-the-rainbow experience, for each of them has been a stepping stone, which eventually piled up together to make a solid foundation for me to step on. Each experience has it’s color, which, when put together, resembles a rainbow. The moment I saw that rainbow, a promise was revealed to me.
I have known this Special One who made the promise back then. He was there for me since I opened my eyes to the world. He led me up to each stone I stepped on. Many times, I found myself tripping because I refused to accept his assistance. I never knew that the stones piled up each time I tripped. The next thing I knew, I was looking at a huge boulder. I looked around for help, but there was none. For everyone was also busy conquering their own boulders.
That moment, I was left with no choice but ask for His assistance once again.I have put my full trust in Him, with an ounce of regret for the times I denied His help. I cried. I thought He would tell me, “I told you so.” But He just responded with a smile and opened his arms to embrace me while telling me “Get up on your feet, shake the dust off of you and follow me. We will conquer that boulder together.” This time, He was dressed differently. I was amazed to see that it was still Him. That Special One who used to help me before. Looking in the mirror, it was I who changed, not Him. But now, I see Him differently. I see Him in a very special way.
He wiped my tears dry on that very painful night. The night when I have fully given him my trust… my mind, my feet, my hands, my lips. . . all of me. In one snap of a finger, I found my heart beating again. This time, it was beating for Him.
I have found the One whom my soul loves. It is Him. My groom, My Prince. My Everything. His name is Jesus Christ. My one and only Redeemer.
Now, going back to you. . .
I don’t know your name. I don’t know how you look like. But I know that my heart beats for you at this very moment. Truly, your heart must have been so hidden in God, that the first moment it came beating for you was when my heart started beating for Him.
I love you. I love you with the love I have for the Lord. Right this very moment, I am sure about what I feel and I will always feel this way as long as I am in-love with the Lord.
While I was at the bathroom one day, I heard something within me that said I have to write my wedding vows. I haven’t done it yet, but maybe this is the right time.
I will not promise you anything. But I will make a vow unto myself and unto the Lord that starting today I will set myself apart for you. I will try my best to guard my heart at all times because it will be the most special gift that I can give you during our wedding day. Forgive me if I have messed up before. I did not honor you in many ways because I didn’t know your worth. I wasn’t mindful of your existence. But by the grace of the Lord, I have been cleaned up from all the mess that surrounded my whole being. I have been made new. . . especially for you. The Lord gave me this new beginning so that I can start right with you. I will try my best not to waste this chance.
My heart is yours alone. For you are an earthly reminder of God’s love for me. Let me take care of you through prayers while we are apart. I cannot stop saying I LOVE YOU because it is what I feel at the moment. This love that I have is out the overflow of my love for the Lord.
Continue to be strong in facing your everyday battles. I am here in spirit and I am cheering for you. Be the best that you can be because I know that you can do it.
Thank you for praying for me every night.
Thank you for loving me every single day.
One day, we wouldn’t be guessing how both of us looked like. For one day, I will call you by your name, my dear beloved.
While we are waiting for the right time, I pray that you would continue to stay in love with the Lord as I do. For it is only in His presence that we can meet. Every time I experience His presence, I am near you and you are near me.
When you miss me, just tap to the True Source of Love, I will meet you there. We are both just a prayer away. I love you and I always will.
I will always look forward to everyday where we are one step closer to finally meeting each other.
Keeping you in my prayers. . .
Your Bride, Your Princess,