“Fear God. Do what He tells you.”
It was a painful night of June 5, 2013, when my life took a 180 degree turn. I finally had the courage to break off a yoke that has bound me for years. Over the past days, I’ve been hearing a voice saying. . . “obey”. When I looked around, there was no one else… but me.
Until that night came, when I had to leave a very special person because that familiar voice was telling me to do so. I don’t know what it meant but I know that I should follow what it said. Looking through my heart’s lens, everything was picture perfect. But, as I looked deeper in one of its dark chambers, I found a piece of my heart that was there all along, but I wasn’t aware of. This piece was rotten, bound by chains of compromise and sin. I cried hard. I talked to my mom and to my best friend, but no one could give me the comfort that I needed.
I went back to my room and wept hard. I once again heard that familiar voice saying “obey”. In my solitude I found out that that familiar voice was coming from within me. It was from that dark chamber of my heart.. This was the same voice that told me to cry the moment I got out of my mother’s womb. The voice that gave me life. The voice that I was supposed to listen to every day. Sadly, it became just a familiar voice to me.
I fell down on my knees that night and tears were flowing endlessly. I wrote on my journal “If that guy is not for me, then why did my relationship with him had to be like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Why did it have to be so precious?” I grabbed a book by Eric and Leslie Ludy entitled “When God Writes Your Love Story”, and in the pages of this book I found the answer to my question.. I found the greatest comfort I have ever experienced in my lifetime.
“You are blessed when you’ve been stripped off that which is most precious to you. Because only then can you be tenderly embraced by the One Most Precious to you.”
The moment I was reading these lines, my feelings shifted from being broken hearted to being in-love in just a snap of a finger. That familiar voice was telling me now “I love you.. and I want you to start again. You have been giving away pieces of your heart without My consent. I was the One who made it and I am deeply hurt seeing your precious heart being shattered and broken to pieces. Let me fix it for you, my princess”
I cried even harder realizing that that familiar voice was His voice, which I have been ignoring for so long. It was JESUS speaking to me through my heart. That very night, I decided to open my heart for Him and to never let Him go. I felt sorry for myself for having hurt Him in many ways. But just when I was about to say sorry to Him, He said, “You are forgiven, long ago when I died on the cross”.
That night that I had let go of my “happiness” was the same night that I found its true meaning. God truly works in our weaknesses to get our attention. In my case, He worked through my emotions. He gave me a precious gem and asked me to give it up. The cut in my heart was too deep that I had no choice but to turn to the One who made it, to make it whole again.. to make it new, once more.
There is something better out there when it comes to love, but it is found in a very unexpected place, and that unexpected place is God himself. And to find that “something better”, we have to “lean on God” and to be “stripped of that which is most precious to us” – Eric & Leslie Ludy
“I found the one whom my soul loves” Song of Solomon 3:4